Mental Health Matters

I haven’t posted in a while, because my mental health hasn’t been its best and when I’m feeling this way, I tend to isolate so I don’t inadvertently hurt anyone. Also, I wanted this blog to be focused on motherhood, food, travel, and all the fun things in life. It’s hard to focus on that when I feel like I’m drowning.

I’m not going to go in depth with it, because 1. It’s not public business and 2. I’m not a professional and I wouldn’t want to project anything to someone else and trigger them.

All that said, daily life is currently a challenge for me and so I have tried to keep to myself & away from people.

What dawned on me today is this: mental health matters. I know there are other moms out there who are struggling with theirs as well.

Like I would tell another mother, there is no shame in this. You matter. Your story matters. This morning, I’m telling myself this as well.

I’m not going to go into it too much, but a little glimpse of what I’m going through is this:

Do you ever get a song stuck in your head that plays over and over and over?That is how my mind has been lately, except it’s an avalanche of negative, abusive, and suicidal thoughts (no interest in making attempts, however). This is something I have dealt with since I was a teen. I’ll be just fine and then BAM! I’m at war with myself and this spills out to others.

It is horrible and rather debilitating.

The thing is, I’m still a mother. I’m still a wife. I’m still making the meals and making the things, keeping the house, and exercising. I’m still a shop owner. I’m still a friend and sister and daughter and grandmother.

I just happen to be struggling with my mental health. One of the downsides to being self-employed is the lack of insurance, so therapy isn’t in the cards for now.

The good thing is this: I am resilient. I am strong. How could I not be when all of this is in my head on a daily basis…all day long, when I wake in the middle of the night and sometimes as soon as I open my eyes? Yet here I am, typing this. Oh I am strong as hell!

It has also taken a lot of prayer, mindful breathing, and reading old journals to discover patterns. I see that I have gotten through in the past (many times over) and it gives me hope I will get through again.

I felt it might be helpful to someone else if I shared about it here, just a little bit. I know things can be triggering to others, so I’m trying to be sensitive to that and also sensitive to myself because over sharing is never a good thing for me and not everyone is allowed to know my business.

Boundaries are a very good thing.

I’m writing this to say:

• My mental health is important and nothing to be shamed of, and so is yours.

•Talk to someone, even if it’s not a professional. I spoke to my husband first and then to my best friend. Talking helps, because it breaks up the ear worms and lets others know what’s up.

• You matter. You are important. The world needs you.

I’m going to sign off now. I wish you love & peace.

Xx

Pictured is a beautiful matcha tea service my friend gave to me the other day. Which brings me to something else I have learned over the three decades that I have dealt with this is: Say yes to things with close friends. Too much isolation is bad for me. Even when I don’t feel like I’ll be good company, I try to say yes to getting together, because I love my friends and I want them to know that. Pushing them away only hurts them and me.

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